Hello Avid readers, today is Monday so I have decided to do a throwback Thursday to celebrate. This cringy piece of art resonates from my days on the playground. Not only were our markers bold, but our news stories were even bolder.
0 Comments
So I've been in Brazil for the World Cup, and for a vacation from my extremely stressful job. Copacabana Beach is an amazing place, you should visit sometime!
Anywho, since I was on vacation and I spent my days relaxing and sun bathing, I haven't hit the gym in what seems like forever. So I decided to go to the gym and work on my muscles. As I was benching 8 plates (in regular weight lifting warm-up fashion), an old friend of my appeared out from behind one of the machines, almost like a wild Pokemon. After speaking briefly with my old friend, he challenged me to a game I had heard of, but was unfamiliar with, squash. Since the two of us had been bigger rivals that Ash and Gary, I decided to accept his challenge. Thus after a long 8 hour shift of lifting, I returned home to see if I had any "squash" equipment. I began checking my kitchen, I searched the pullout drawers in the fridge, behind the mayo, in the cupboard and even under the sink. No squash. I then went into my backyard to check for squash in the garden. Still no squash. After my bamboozlement for lack of squash and squash related products in my possession, I decided to jump over the neighboring fences to search there gardens. My eyes then lit up, I saw the tag sticking out of the ground. It said "Squash", and it was beautiful. In an instance I went from a feeling of disarray and bamboozlment to a feeling of an apotheosis, I had transformed into the God of Hide and Seek. With my transformation, I could not only find squash and squash related equipment, but I could even find Waldo. As I was basking in the light as it was shining on my glory, in a split second it was all ruined. Similar to that of Eminem, I snapped back to reality as my neighbor began to chase me around his yard with a shovel because I had dug up his prize winning Squash, and I was not about ending up like that girl on vine ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7LtLDbMVlI&feature=youtube_gdata_player). Miraculously, I had remembered not to skip leg day today, yet I still had the strength and endurance to out pace the 77 year old man and return safely to my own residence. That was a close call! For something that is supposed to be a fun competitive game, this is a really dangerous activity. I then realized a safer route, the grocery store! How could I be so delusional and close minded? So I hopped in the ladies-magnet (my Prius) and sped off 5 km/h under the speed limit all the way to the grocery store. I don't want to be too reckless. As I pulled into the parking lot, there were these teenagers in the parking lot who were up to no good, they started causing trouble in my neighborhood, I got into one little fight and my mom got scared, she said " You're 29 and you get beat up by kids from Bel-Air!". Mom you're embarrassing me jeez. Anyways, as I begin to drift into my parking spot, the punks began to whistle at me as if they were construction workers on their lunch break. So I revved the engine of the Prius, roared like a T-Rex at a comedy festival. It's the v-tec bro, and its slammed, bro. #StanceNation. So after parking the lambo/lady-magnet/Prius, I went inside. You wouldn't believe the amount of squash I found! But the problem was, which squash should I choose? I grabbed at least 15 just to be safe, after all I still had no idea what we were doing in this game. Different shapes, different sizes. At checkout my total came to 54.75, 54.75! This game better be fun or this is a waste of money! I decided to purchase a bottle of Sprite aswell because I was feeling a tad on the wild side. So I then drove over to the community center, parked the lady-magnet and strapped on the sweatbands. Things were about to get serious. I couldn't find anything to carry the squash merchandise into the training facility so I borrowed my sisters My Little Pony Backpack. Fresh to Death. Or something like that I'm not sure how the saying goes. I proceed into the the community center and begin to set up my squash all around the squash court. I figured I would play a defensive and counter attacking style of play, so I assembled the biggersquash in the back court, and the smaller, more mobile squash in the front court. As I am setting up, a small rubber ball gets smashed off my backside, and I hear a voice call out " Old Friend! We're playing Squash, not playing with Squash!" Wow. Was I disappointed. At least my vegetable friends had promising futures in the veggie tales movies, but for their Squash game activity, they were deeply saddened. Like look at the picture at the top if this post, that is Cornelius and he wept the most. Luckily for me my friend had a spare racket and we had a smashing game of squash! What a day, I'm exhausted and embarrassed by the events that unfolded. Sorry avid and eager AtotheDawg Blog readers, I was in Brazil for the World Cup! More Blogs are soon to come soon!
I am extremely embarrassed about what happened this past weekend. I am usually very smart and rarely maker any mistakes but that was not the case on the past Saturday afternoon. I was on my traditional weekend walk around my community. I go on the same route every weekend. A few weeks ago I noticed one of the stores had gone out of business and was bought by someone else. This past week was the fist time I've seen anything in the window, there was a poster that said Find Art! Under the impression that it was "Find Art" and assumed it was a hunt for art, I headed right in and started my hunt for art. I found it extremely easy to find the what I thought was hidden art. I felt it was almost like they were displaying it for everyone to easily see it. I then came up with the thought that the search was for small children and was made extremely easy for them. I carried on with my search because i didn't remember the poster stating any age restrictions. After an hour and a half of hard work I figured I was done my search and found all the art in the building. I then proceeded to the front desk and proclaimed my accomplishment in hopes of receiving some kind of prize. The woman at the desk looked at me as if I had escaped from the mental institute down the road. I left with confusion and anger. As I stormed out I caught another glimpse of the poster but this time I read "Fine Art". I walked home in embarrassment and disbelief to how I could make such an idiotic mistake. As seen in previous posts, I am a fan of the art of music. Not only do I throughly enjoy my rock; I am also in rap, jazz, hip hop, opera, and many other variations of beautiful noise.
So considering this, I am an avid viewer of concerts, I believe the live concett is a beautiful scene where fans of different ethnics and cultures have the chance to assimilate under one roof to jam out to some tunes. So I decided to buy tickets for a concert; the Toronto Raptors vs. the Washington Wizards. I thought this deal was absolutely awesome, I get to watch a rap concert by a Toronto based group while also viewing a magic show from a Washington based group. Also, I heard that Drake is the global ambassador for the "Rap"tors, so they must be good! One cannot begin to fathom my dissapointment when I showed up. Instead of a stage, there was a hardwood floor where huge 7 foot tall giants were running and jumping around, throwing a large orange into a hoop of some sorts. Don't get me wrong, there was music being played as the game was on and there were some amazing plays, but that simply was not the rap or the magic I was expecting. This unfortunate series of events was a let down to my entire week, I was so bothered that I couldn't attend my book club on Thursday, and I always go to my book club. I am a big fan of Rock music. I can listen to it from morning to night. I listen to it where ever I go and always at home. But I felt something was missing, I didn't feel I was getting the full experience of my music. I wanted to enhance my musical journey some how. After much thought, I suddenly remembered hearing about a special chair that is used for rocking out, a "Rocking" chair. I was certain that this chair was the answer to fill the void I was feeling in my music listening. I set out to find this special chair and fulfill my pdesire. I first went to my local music store, because I thought that tfaa the most logical place for such a specific item to be sold. Turns out it's not as logical as I thought, however the very nice and accommodating people at the music store recommended checking an actual furniture store. I would have never thought that a generic furniture store would have such a niche item. I trusted the music store and headed over to the closest furniture store. I walk in and talk to the first employee I saw because I actually had no idea what a "rocking" chair looked like. They showed me right to their selection of chairs and I picked out the one I liked most. I was extremely impressed with the innovative style of this chair, they are made with a curved bottom so that you are able to move back and forth freely. Obviously so that when one is listening to their music they have the freedom to move about to the music and not worry about boundaries that a traditionally chair imposes. Well I get the chair home, I set it up and sit down on it, it was extremely comfortable and the unavoidable movement of the chair was very relaxing. Before I knew it I was sound asleep! I didn't even get to listen to my rock music on my first run on the chair! I later have been able to listen to my rock music on the chair but every time I pass out. "Rocking" chairs should really be marked better, like change the target audience from young rockers to old people that like napping! Maybe even call it a lazy chair or something like that. The last few weeks, all I've been hearing about is the new movie "The Wolf of Wall Street" and every time I hear someone start talking about it I walk away. I walk away because I can not get passed the premiss of the movie, how can a wolf work on Wall Street, it's not possible! I can understand that maybe the wolf is special, but why would they go to Wall Street!There are a million more appropriate jobs that a wolf can do. It's so ridicules I have to leave when anyone even mentions it just so that I don't make a scene. Why isn't the wolf in some kind of circus, why isn't the movie called the talking wolf. What gets me the most is that I heard it is very inappropriate, why is an animal doing drugs and stuff like that! Why hasn't PETA stopped this disgusting mockery of such a beautiful and respected animal. When someone tells me that there is a movie about a a wolf that acts like a person, I immediately think of a child's movie to a drugged up wolf working with money. I also find it extremely odd that when I do hear people talking about the movie, they make no reference at all to the fact that a wolf is doing all these inappropriate things. I just don't get it. Maybe one day I will actually watch "Wolf of Wall Street" when it's free to view on cable. But for now I just can't being myself to actually spend money and put in the effort to see such a preposterous movie! -AtotheDawg Blog People that love Apple and Blackberry products are crazy and have no taste buds. It is insane how much over the last few year I have heard about how popular these fruits are and how crazy people go for them. I see people lining up and waiting days just to get a special type of apple or blackberry. I do however have to say I am quite impressed about how much technology and craftsmanship are put into these fruits. After a few years of seeing people going crazy over these fruit i finally gave in and decided I wanted a piece of this action. I decide to go for an apple because lately I have been hearing bad things about blackberry's, must be a bad season or something. So I go to my local grocery store produce section and all I can find is normal apples, so I go and ask where they keep there phone shaped apples, the worker looks at me with the most insulting, belittling look and says "what kind of drug are you on" so I stormed out, I guess that employe has been living under a rock for the last 6 years! So anyways, I'm on my way home and I pass a bell store, and in the store window I see the fruit I have been desiring. I run into the store and scream "get me the most ripe apple you've got!" The employes looked at me weird but they obliged with my request. After a half an hour of paper work and contracts I finally get my $300 piece of fruit, (I got the white one because the black one looked rotten). I get to my car, at this point I'm salivating, I unwrap the apple and take a bite. This apple must have been a bad one because it was rock hard and tasted horrible. In a fit of rage I threw the apple out of the window. The earphones that came with the apple however tasted great! -AtotheDawg Blog Whenever I get invited to parties or social gatherings, the host often says to me "Come on in, here I'll take you jacket. Ohh we have snacks and finger foods right over there". This is why I hate being invited to these events, I am a civil human being and I will not resort to eating in a cannibalistic lifestyle just to fill my stomach. Those fingers, they were apart of someone. A real human being and it's almost like we farm them like chicken for their apparently "delicious" fingers, that thought just makes me sick. In a related idea, a "friend", (I put quotations because I will not associate myself with such sick practices), offered me chocolate covered lady fingers. You sick and outrageous human being! The human body is a beautiful thing and you're treating it likes it's a free for all to fill our stomach's, anyway to make money I guess, capitalism at it's finest.
Last Thursday at exactly 1:28:45, I entered a gas station. As I was paying, my eyes began to wander and I came across chocolate bars. Mmmmmm chocolate. As my gaze swept across each beautifully crafted bar, I stumbled onto a package that made me puke. Clean up on isle 3. "Butter Fingers", Gross! How revolting! Just imagine the next time you take a bite of that bar, there are millions of fingers, from real people like you and I, which are churned like butter. I need to rest my head, this is making me sick! Hello friends, I am back! So as I was saying, I hope that by reading this article, you can realize the inhumanities in the finger food world that pass right under our eyes. -AtotheDawg Blog |